


To Be A Lion With A Bell

by FishLeather



Category: Original Work
Genre: Lesbianism, not quite homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-13
Updated: 2018-06-13
Packaged: 2019-05-21 20:37:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14922425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FishLeather/pseuds/FishLeather
Summary: It wasn't that I was different. It was that I wasn't different from the creatures.





	To Be A Lion With A Bell

The first time I came out to myself, there was an impossible fear that blanketed everything. The fear that I was a monster. Not just for being different, but for becoming indistinguishable from the thing I dreaded most. The thing that creeps in the shadows but imposes itself in broad daylight. The creature that takes and destroys and knows no morals to bind it. The hulking figure with too many eyes, the grin and lens and threatening blur at the other end of a place you thought was safe.

I wrote letters, crumpled them, and tried again to sound self aware and carry my undeniable horrors with full visibility. To be a lion with a bell on my collar. To remove myself before I could hurt anyone. To shove down any desire and smother it with caution tape and alarms. Never again would I look up from my gym locker, and soon would never enter the locker room at all. It was liability, it was selfish, dangerous, I might snap and destroy because that's what evil creatures do.

Briefly I pondered joining the creatures I feared, before deciding to go it alone. They were not like I, they reveled in the things I found most vile in my thoughts. Trophy hunters, gorging themselves on all I ever held dear. Despite my fear of inner wolves, to them, I was a sheep.

The bell, the fear of being a dangerous animal among shivering angels. They deserved to be free of my presence, I deserved, something else. I shoved it down again and again and sweated among the others as I hobbled myself to be with them again. Pretending believing praying hoping that I could be a defenseless one again. Managing to forget, until I managed to remember.


End file.
